It's Not the End

Everything happens for a reason, right?
When one door closes, another one opens, right?

I keep telling myself that. Whether or not I believe myself is a different story.

God has a plan for my life, right?
Everything will be okay in the end and if it's not okay, it's not the end, right?
If i let them go and it's meant to be, they'll come back to me, right?

I'm having a hard time trusting both men and myself.
God and my friends, no problem. They're almost always there for me to depend on.
I just want to know that everything will work out for the best.
I don't want to be torn up over someone for years.
I don't want to miss out on living my life.
I don't want to be the one girl who isn't married and having babies in 10 years.
All of a sudden, my biological clock is ticking fiercely, implying that I should be finding a nice boy to settle down with right now. I wasted 4 and a half years thinking I'd marry my ex.

Surprise.

I don't know where I will be in a year.
Think of all the possibilities, though!
A far more advanced writer and photographer.
A better musician.
More strong and independent than ever before.
More confident and self-respecting.
Maybe in love.
Maybe.
It's exciting and frightening to think of what could happen between now and then.

Mostly I just want things to work out. I want to be in love again. I know I can't set a deadline. It has to be when I least expect it.