My Heart Weigh 1,000 Pounds

Every time I begin to believe again that man is inherently good, someone goes and totally blows things out of the water.

Maybe I should just believe that everyone wants to use me and hurt me and I should emotionally close up until the right and honest person comes along and disproves my theory for a short time.

I desire emotional connections with people. It's one of the most important and fulfilling needs I have in life.
When someone tells me they kind of need me and only for a physical desire, it really hurts me. When someone loved me and gave up on me because he liked me for the wrong reasons and only physically desired me, it hurts.
When I give of myself to try and make things better for others, only to be stepped all over, it hurts.
Very few people satisfy my emotional needs. The remainder are met by the rhythmic tapping of my "soft" and "small" hands on the silver wasteland of my laptop keyboard to digital embodiments of friends.

Small.
What does that word mean?
Tiny. Diminutive. Not big. Not powerful. Not strong. Pint-sized. Pipsqueak. Not noticed.
small.

Soft.
What does that word mean?
Squishy. Feathery. Not tough. Not leering. Not rough. A push -over. Tangible. Usable.
soft.

Watching 27 dresses gave me this false sense of hope that being the girl that does everything for everyone will pay off and I'll meet some charming, sexy, honest journalist that will fall crazy in love with me and won't give up on me and will see me for who I am and accept me. Isn't that what every girl wants?
But does every guy want that? Does any guy want that? Do guys even have the capacity to love the same way women do, or do they just pander along in relationships to please their carnal needs for lust and food? I have yet to be proven wrong, how sad.

Wow I'm shaping up to be a wonderfully cynical feminist.